Current:Home > reviewsTikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree. -Infinite Edge Learning
TikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree.
SignalHub View
Date:2025-04-07 01:54:03
TikTokers say they've discovered the secret to predicting whether a couple will last or eventually breakup − and psychologists say they're actually onto something.
It's called the bird test, and it's the subject of research conducted by psychologist John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, an organization dedicated to investigating the psychology of relationships. Videos tagged #birdtest have accumulated more than 16 million views with users testing the theory on their significant others.
The test involves getting excited about something insignificant and seeing how your partner reacts. For instance, if you look out the window and exclaim, "Wow, that's a beautiful bird," does your partner look to see what you're interested in or do they ignore it and go about their business? Or worse: Do they lash out and dismiss your enthusiasm entirely?
Repeated reactions that involve ignoring or flat-out rejecting your attempts to connect, even over something small like a bird, doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship, the bird test posits.
Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says there's a lot of truth to it.
"The beauty of the bird test is, basically ... it's a bid to ask whoever you're with to turn towards you and engage with you and show interest in something that you're interested in, versus what (Gottman) calls turning away," he says.
Is the bird test reliable?
The purpose of the bird test is to see how often your partner picks up on bids you offer them in your relationship. Brown describes a bid as "a request to engage and to connect with the other, no matter what the topic is," such as an invitation to look at a bird.
In his research, Gottman found couples who stayed together and reported feeling happy in their relationships turned toward each other about 86% of the time when presented a bid from their partner. Couples who broke up or felt unhappy in their relationships turned toward each other only about 33% of the time, according to The Gottman Institute's website.
David and Victoria Beckhamand how to (maybe) tell if your partner is in love with you
Bids may seem small, but they happen frequently, so it's important not to ignore them.
"Throughout the day, we're often making these bids right?" licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman says. "It's not unusual to say, 'Hey, do you want to have dinner now? Do you want to go on a walk? Oh, look at this cool Netflix show.' How is your partner responding and reacting?"
Several TikTokers have put their partners to the bird test, including former "Bachelorette" star Michelle Young, who practically jumped for joy when her significant other stopped to look out the window when she said she saw a cardinal. Gottman himself has endorsed the trend on TikTok as well.
What if the bird test goes wrong?
Don't panic if your partner fails a bird test.
Brown says that, if you're going to employ the bird test, make sure it's not during a time when your partner is occupied.
"If you're in a relationship and you are wanting to look at a bird, but it's the seventh game of the World Series for your partner, and your partner may say, 'I can't turn towards you now,' ... that doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed," Brown says.
Also, it's more important to see how your partner responds to you over time, so don't write them off if they fail a single bird test.
"Make those bids a few times over the course of a couple days," Feuerman says. "Look for the pattern. So, if consistently the partner ignores, doesn't respond, the bid isn't tuned into, then yes, I would say someone could reasonably discern 'I might have an issue here' or there might be a problem."
And if there is an issue, talk it out − and keep in mind no one is going to pass the bird test every time.
"People are going to miss bids on occasion, and so it's not about people getting worried or panicked that they're missing some, because you will. We all will," Feuerman says. "We're human."
veryGood! (41568)
Related
- FACT FOCUS: Inspector general’s Jan. 6 report misrepresented as proof of FBI setup
- 5 boaters found clinging to a cooler in Lake Erie are rescued by a Coast Guard helicopter crew
- Judge closes door to new trial for Arizona rancher in fatal shooting of Mexican man
- Las Vegas eyes record of 5th consecutive day over 115 degrees as heat wave continues to scorch US
- Retirement planning: 3 crucial moves everyone should make before 2025
- Baltimore bridge collapse survivor recounts fighting for his life in NBC interview
- One year after hazing scandal, Northwestern and Pat Fitzgerald still dealing with fallout
- Olivia Munn Marries John Mulaney in Private New York Ceremony
- Nearly half of US teens are online ‘constantly,’ Pew report finds
- Olivia Munn Marries John Mulaney in Private New York Ceremony
Ranking
- Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow owns a $3 million Batmobile Tumbler
- Police investigate shooting of 3 people in commuter rail parking lot in Massachusetts
- New students at Eton, the poshest of Britain's elite private schools, will not be allowed smartphones
- Taylor Swift sings two break-up anthems in Zürich, and see why she wishes fans a happy July 9
- Average rate on 30
- Mega Millions winning numbers for July 9 drawing: Jackpot climbs to $181 million
- VP visits U.S. men's basketball team in Vegas before Paris Olympics
- Another political party in North Carolina OK’d for fall; 2 others remain in limbo
Recommendation
Sarah J. Maas books explained: How to read 'ACOTAR,' 'Throne of Glass' in order.
Wimbledon 2024 bracket: Latest scores, results for tournament
Utah CEO and teenage daughter killed after bulldozer falls on their truck
Gypsy Rose Blanchard pregnant soon after release from prison for conspiring to kill abusive mother
Apple iOS 18.2: What to know about top features, including Genmoji, AI updates
BBC Journalist’s Wife and 2 Daughters Shot Dead in Crossbow Attack
Dartmouth College Student Won Jang Found Dead in River
In swing-state Pennsylvania, a Latino-majority city embraces a chance to sway the 2024 election